Self-Regulation

Women very rarely observe other women completely neutrally. Even when there is friendship, closeness, or genuine affection, there is almost always a parallel process of silent internal positioning.

Who is prettier. Who is more secure. Who is more desirable. Who appears more stable. Who attracts attention more effortlessly. Who leaves a stronger impression in a room.

The process is usually neither explicit nor fully conscious. It functions quickly, almost instinctively. And almost every woman searches for something that allows her to feel better positioned in relation to another woman. She does not need to be prettier in an absolute sense. She does not need to be more successful. It is enough to find something that prevents the other woman from feeling above her. One thing that restores a sense of balance within the group.

It can be almost anything. One woman may be prettier, but insecure. Another may have a better career, but desperately seek validation. A third may receive male attention easily, yet appear emotionally unstable. A fourth may seem perfect until enough proximity reveals the cracks. A fifth may be intelligent, but socially awkward. Almost every woman quickly identifies the point at which another woman becomes psychologically manageable again.

This does not have to be malice. Much more often, it is self-regulation.

People often imagine confidence as a stable internal state disconnected from environment. In reality, a large part of female confidence functions relatively. The feeling of security frequently depends on no woman in immediate proximity appearing dominant across all meaningful categories at once. That is why this mechanism becomes strongest among women who share the same space. Friends. Workplaces. Social circles. Acquaintances. Women who regularly see one another and continuously register each other emotionally.

When a woman exists completely outside the group and clearly belongs to a different reality, comparison often weakens. But among women within the same social environment, hierarchy becomes far more relevant. The mind begins almost automatically searching for a way to restore psychological balance. One crack is enough. One detail capable of making the relationship feel emotionally manageable again.

That is why women often experience unusual relief when they discover something that weakens the impression of another woman's advantage. Not because they necessarily want her to fail. Much more often because complete superiority within one's own environment creates psychological pressure. Especially when it is constantly present.

The process is often extremely quiet. A woman may sit with a friend, laugh with her, support her, and simultaneously feel internal relief upon learning that she has relationship problems, insecurity about her appearance, or a life that is less perfect than it initially appeared. Outwardly, nothing may change. Internally, however, the hierarchy shifts enough for the body to relax again.

Because many women do not need to be the best. It is enough that no woman in their immediate environment appears entirely above them.

For that reason, women rarely evaluate other women objectively. They position them emotionally. How much space remains for me beside her? How much does her presence affect my sense of worth? How small do I feel next to her? How "safe" am I in comparison to her?

Once the answer becomes emotionally uncomfortable, the mind begins searching for a correction to the image.

Social media intensified this mechanism, but did not create it. It existed long before digital platforms. The difference lies only in the number of female identities women compare themselves to every day. The psychological need for regulation therefore becomes even stronger.

Very little is required for internal balance to return. A filter. An insecurity. A problem not immediately visible. A need for attention. Emotional dependency. Anything capable of bringing another woman back among the "normal."

Because complete superiority rarely calms people. Much more often, it pushes them to instinctively search for a reason they can breathe normally again.

LuLu